The Pattern 04/30/21

The days blur together. I wake up, I feed the baby (or Rios feeds him), I rock him, I change him, I rock him, he sleeps. Repeat. There are things that happen in between these sessions: I eat food, I work out with my resistance bands, I keep up with work e-mails. But mostly it’s this time smear, sleep cycle all fucked up. I’m awake and then I’m not. He’s smiling then he’s crying for food. I love him, I’m frustrated with him, but I remind myself he’s a baby.

How crazy is that? Just imagine. You’re brand new. You’re used to the warmth and comfort and safety of the womb. And then you’re just out, and you have no way to communicate.

Luckily your needs are relatively simple.

I wish I had more things to talk about, or even think about, but nothing much is coming up. I’m spending too much time on Twitter. It’s the easiest thing to look at in between baby stuff. But of course, it’s all bad, a thousand people all having an argument with someone you’ve also never met, that or they’re joking around, and sometimes the jokes can be the worst, because what is so funny about all this?

It’s all very funny, truth be told.

I’m trying instead to pick up the Kindle and get some reading done. I realize now that I picked The Book of the New Sun as the first series to read with my actual New Son in my arms, next to my window that is draped with a blanket feature The Sun tarot card, a young boy riding on the back of a horse, arms outstretched, the sun behind him, moderate, calm.

The book itself is great, but as is the case with all books, you have to sink into it a bit, and maybe moreso with this one, as the prose isn’t exactly the smoothest. It isn’t supposed to be, I think. The storytelling is great, but I have to reread some passages over again to make sure that I “got it” as much as it’s supposed to be gotten. My goal today is to read 2,000 Kindle Locations. The entire Book is 22,000 locations, meaning I’ll have the whole series read in 11 days at that rate. I think it’s doable. I just have to put the phone down.

More tomorrow.

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