Today I went to the gym. A woman in a purple wig yelled at people for help in the parking lot. A homeless dude walked very, very carefully along the strip mall sidewalk. One foot in front of the other. Heel to toe.
Inside the gym, people walked on treadmills, a few of them with plastic partitions between the machines. Kettlebells on the floor, a rope coiled in the corner. David Bowie on the overhead radio, “China Girl,” a weird choice, I thought.
I felt like I was done relatively early. Frustrated by everything. These past few weeks have held a lot of jaw-clenching anger, and I’m not even sure what I’m mad about. I’m not sure where to let it out if not at the gym, and even that, at this point, doesn’t seem to be working.
I left the parking lot slowly, taking my new car over deep, deep potholes, listening to nothing on the radio at all. Just the car and the wind outside. It’s spring now, the sun is out a lot, should be up to 80 degrees today, but I’m not in a spring mood. I feel like an angry dog.
Again, no idea really where it’s coming from. I’ve been checking out Russell Brand’s YouTube page. His short vlogs are pretty great. He’s an articulate dude. Here’s one that I found particularly relevant:
I’m nervous about where everything is heading. I don’t think that people are paying enough attention to the slow creep of total corporate domination. I’m nervous that people aren’t considering that the cure may be worse than the disease, that eventually (if not already) the virus will become endemic, a part of daily life to such a minor extent that it’s all but background noise, but this kind of technocratic control has the potential to become hugely influential and oppressive, for the rest of our lives. For the rest of our children’s lives.
The fluctuation between sorrow, determination, and helplessness has been quite taxing this year. I’m sure that everyone has felt this, to some extent. Like I said though, one day this pandemic will be over. Linking your biometric data will lead to social credit scores and ever greater arbitrary restrictions, and I’m afraid that no one cares.
We’ll get back to positivity soon. I promise. I’m not sure what exactly is wrong with me at the moment. I might just work out from home for a bit. I’m not sure if I want to look at people for the time being.